


sotto voce.

by badaltin



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Family Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, M/M, Prompt Fic, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 14:53:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14107767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badaltin/pseuds/badaltin
Summary: Yuri's rubbing circles into Otabek's back, and he's looking at the other boy with so much tenderness Otabek thinks it might kill him. "Hey," Yuri says, "hey. It's okay. I'm here. It's just us. You can let it out."Otabek glares resolutely forward, but he can't will his shoulders to stop trembling."You know," Yuri says, and it tightens around Otabek's jaded heart like a clenched fist. "It's okay to cry."





	sotto voce.

**Author's Note:**

> i received the prompt “You know, it’s okay to cry," in regards to otabek and this turned into.... uh. well. if you're reading this, original prompter, i'm sorry for how heavy this turned out! posted on tumblr [here](http://badaltin.tumblr.com/post/172288842770/48-you-know-its-okay-to-cry-you-sent-me)

Otabek watches Yuri heave himself up onto the roof of the playground structure, silhouette playing against the night clouds.

“Man that’s so fucked up.” Yuri scowls down at the thousand shards of what once was a bottle of wine. He spits at it for good measure.

“It’s fine.” Otabek gets sweaty palms too; he understands.

“No, it’s not! I nearly shit myself sneaking this out of the old man’s stash, and-”

“Yura. It’s okay.”

Otabek isn’t looking at Yuri anymore. He’s leaning forward, chin and arms piled on his jean-clad knees. Out past his bike and the mulch barrier to this minuscule playground is a vast field giving way to the nothingness of night, broken far in the distance by the twinkling jaundiced lights of the highway. Otabek feels like he’s perched atop an unlit lighthouse, standing vigil over a stagnant, open sea. Wind skims the dancing grasses and he wishes he could float out to the horizon like that and disappear over the edge of the world.

Yuri’s gaze is a heavy thing.

“I had to dial the ambulance,” Otabek says.

Yuri sags forward, boneless; his face is obscured and Otabek is glad for the privacy. “Shit, Beka. What was it?”

He tongues the back of his teeth. His mouth tastes like ash. "What do you think it was?"

There's a beat where neither of them are speaking. Then, Yuri braves sound. "Did she overdose?"

Otabek shakes his head minutely. "Withdrawal, actually. I heard a thump downstairs, and she was seizing on the floor."

" _Jesus._ "

"They say-" Otabek sucks in a gust of predawn air and clamps down on it. His hands are shaking; he thought he was stronger than this. "Heroin withdrawal isn't supposed to be deadly. But she was on Xanax and - and that can kill you." The last words wobble out between them, raw and hurting.

"Otabek," Yuri whispers like a balm, a benediction. He wraps a skinny arm around Otabek's waist and pulls him closer. Otabek squeezes his eyes shut and buries his nose into Yuri's hood. He inhales. The smell of Nikolai Plisetsky's favored fabric softener is a fixed point for Otabek to anchor himself to.

"She's stable, but - I just." He turns away, retreating. "I don't know. She was on the ground, and I," Otabek knows his voice is growing higher and higher in pitch but he's powerless to stop it, "and I had to. Call an ambulance. I had to call an ambulance. I just." _He should be stronger than this_ . By all rights, he should be invincible by now. Carved from solid granite. But his nails are digging hot points into his palms and moisture is dancing along the barrier of his eyelids and _he's still letting this hurt him._  

Yuri's rubbing circles into Otabek's back, and he's looking at the other boy with so much tenderness Otabek thinks it might kill him. "Hey," Yuri says, "hey. It's okay. I'm here. It's just us. You can let it out."

Otabek glares resolutely forward, but he can't will his shoulders to stop trembling.

"You know," Yuri says, and it tightens around Otabek's jaded heart like a clenched fist. "It's okay to cry."

A shuddering, stilted sob tumbles past Otabek's lips before he can stop it. A hand flies to his mouth after it, but the damage is already done: fat tears spill over his eyelids, and one heaving gasp is immediately followed by another.

Yuri, nimble-limbed, stands up on the playground structure and seats himself on Otabek's crossed legs. He wraps his arms and legs around the older boy, and Otabek returns the embrace with a muffled cry. Yuri is a warm shelter he can hide in.

A satellite blinks across the heavens; it does not stop for them.

"She's my mother," Otabek mouths into a damp spot on Yuri's chest. "She's my mother and I love her but-" He's seized by another pathetic round of hiccups. This is Yuri's favorite hoodie that Otabek is ruining - that thought is what dregs up a beast from the back of Otabek's throat, and he wails.

"Shh, it's okay. I got you."

When Otabek opens his mouth again, saliva strings like gum between his teeth. He speaks in pianissimo, now. "I don't understand."

Yura, his darling Yura, pulls back only far enough to press a flower petal kiss to his forehead, cradling the back of his skull. "I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry, Beka."

Their silence falls like the gradual inevitability of twilight. Otabek quakes. A car drives through their eternity a half mile away. Yuri pets Otabek's hair. Wind whistles by their ears but can't shake its own hollowness. Otabek opens and closes his eyes and can't settle on which darkness he prefers.

"I'm sorry," Yuri whispers, and it's like an ending.

"I'm so fucking sorry."

**Author's Note:**

> based this directly off of an event that happened to me irl so please don't @ me about facts or anything because i lived it and i don't wanna hear what you found on discount webmd
> 
> saltiness aside, thanks for reading! if you liked, please take twenty seconds to leave a comment, and come find me [on tumblr!](http://badaltin.tumblr.com/) have a great day, and make sure to tell your loved ones you love em!


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